Lately....

I haven't blogged in awhile because I wasn't quite sure what to say. I use this blog as a way for me to reflect on the days happenings and pull the positives out of each day so that I'm never dwelling on the negatives. I have been having a trying couple of days. I have been praying a lot and seeking guidance from GVSU professionals and friends. The classroom environment that I'm in has been weighing on me negatively and affecting my spirit. I have been feeling attacked, of sorts. I cannot go into detail in this blog about what is currently going on, but I can say that I need prayer and support more than ever. I know that I was placed with these beautiful children for a reason. I love their hearts already and wish to inspire them in any way that I can. The little moments when I see a breakthrough with a struggling child makes all of the struggling worth it. I cannot put into words the leaps and bounds that my heart has gone through these last couple of weeks. I can truly say that I have grown greatly. The phrase/term "growing pains" definitely applies. It reminds me of a bible study that I did with a group of girls my sophomore year. We discussed John 15:2,  "He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful."
Right now I am being pruned, the pruning is painful. I am looking forward to seeing what abundance of fruit will be produced from this pruning experience. I know that God has a plan for me and for these children. In the short amount of time that I have spent with these children they have changed my life and left their footprints on my heart. Their smiles and their triumphs bring me the most joy and comfort.

Today was my first observation from my GVSU field coordinator. I worked with a mixed group of 1st/2nd graders on our spelling words. After she observed me we met and talked about my progress. Most TA's get feed back from their CT, but my CT had nothing to say about me. This hurt me greatly, but I chose to let it roll off my back. My CT is negative from the time I walk into the door until the time I leave. I see my progress in the eyes of these children, and their judgement means more to me than anyone else's. With that said, my field coordinator gave me pointers on classroom management as well as complimented my nurturing nature with the children. She told me that despite my CTs lack of comment she saw the respect the children had for me. She saw their excitement to have me in their room and most of all saw the impact. That to me was the best compliment I had ever heard. To know that she can see my love for the students means the students must be seeing and feeling it as well. Accomplisment. Reach your students FIRST and then continue on with content. My goal was acheived and I cannot wait to keep loving them and showing them just how important they are in this world desite what others may be telling them.

Here is a song that has ministered to me throughout the last two weeks. My emotions are shot, and today on my way back from TA-ing tears slowly streamed down my cheek as I let the words of this song be my prayer.

I wanna be like you. When I kneel...you've already heard me. When I weap you weap with me. Speak the truth in everything I do. LEAVE THE MANY TO GO AND FIND THE FEW!